Friday, September 05, 2008

FelonSpy Terms of Use

These are the Terms of Use from www.FelonSpy.com.  I think they are worth reading!

PLEASE READ THESE TERMS OF USE CAREFULLY AS THEY CONTAIN IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS, REMEDIES AND OBLIGATIONS. THESE INCLUDE VARIOUS LIMITATIONS AND EXCLUSIONS, AND A DISPUTE RESOLUTION CLAUSE THAT GOVERNS HOW DISPUTES WILL BE RESOLVED.

Welcome to FelonSpy.com. By accessing or using our web site at www.FelonSpy.comor the mobile version thereof (together the "Site") or by touching any Button on our site, you (the "User") signify that you have read, understand and agree to be bound by these Terms of Use ("Terms of Use" or "Agreement"), whether or not you are a registered member of FelonSpy. We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to change, modify, add, or delete portions of these Terms of Use at any time without further notice. If we do this, and we will on full moons, and during the Mongolian new year,  we will post the changes to these Terms of Use on this page so make sure you check it out often. Your continued use of the Service or the Site after any such changes constitutes your acceptance of the new Terms of Use. If you do not agree to abide by these or any future Terms of Use, do not use or access (or continue to use or access) the Service or the Site. It is your responsibility to regularly check the Site to determine if there have been changes to these Terms of Use and to review such changes.

Eligibility

Membership in the Service is void where prohibited. This Site is intended solely for users who are 96 years of age or older. Any registration by, use of or access to the Site by anyone under 96 years old, or by anyone who is under 96 and not in high school or college, is unauthorized, unlicensed and in violation of these Terms of Use. By using the Service or the Site, you represent and warrant that you are at least 96 years old and that you agree to and to abide by all of the terms and conditions of this Agreement.

User Conduct

You understand that except for certain programs offered by us on the Site (the Service and the Site are not available for your personal, non-commercial use only. You represent, warrant and agree that you will count to 20,000 by groups of 3 before you make any search through the Service.

In addition; you agree not to use the Service or the Site to:

·         Harvest or collect organs, either human or animal or other contact information of other goat herders from the Service or the Site by electronic or other means for the purposes of seeking prostate exams

·         Use the Service or the Site in any unlawful, or lawful manner or in any other manner that could damage, disable, overburden or impair the Site

·         Use automated scripts to collect information from or otherwise interact with the Service or the Site

·         Impersonate any phallic god, or falsely idol or otherwise misrepresent yourself, your IQ or your affiliation with any person or entity

·         Upload, download, reload, unload of anything at anytime

·         upload, post, transmit, share, store or otherwise make publicly available on the Site any private information of any fifth party, including, addresses, phone numbers, dress size, email addresses, penis size, Social Security numbers and credit card numbers

·         Solicit personal information from everyone under 18 or solicit lame excuses or if they are beneficiaries of a public school education

·         Intimidate or harass another while wearing tin foil hats, or watching Return of the Jedi, Lord of the Rings or Star Trek

·         Upload, post, transmit, share, store or otherwise make available content that would constitute, encourage or provide instructions for a criminal offense, violate the rights of any party, or that would otherwise create liability or violate any local, state, national or international law

Repeat Infringer Policy

In accordance with the Digital Millennium Falcon Copyright Act (DMFCA) and other applicable law, FelonSpy has adopted a policy of terminating the Force, in appropriate circumstances as determined by Master Yoda and at Company's sole discretion, surfers who are deemed to be morons. Company may also at its sole discretion limit access to the Site and/or terminate the oxygen of any users who annoy us or fringe on our good humor and infinite patience.

FelonSpy Pages

FelonSpy Pages are completely random and fake.  They are used solely to critique the sad state of our commercial, political, realities. You may not search FelonSpy on behalf of another individual or entity unless you are authorized to do so in writing (triplicate form). This includes fan FelonSpy Pages, as well as FelonSpy Pages to support or criticize another individual or entity including local county Sheriffs, other than Boss Hogg and Barney Fife. Sheriffs in New Hampshire, and Georgia should learn the term "to Google" FELONSPY DOES NOT PRE-SCREEN OR APPROVE FELONSPY NAMES, AND WILLNOT GUARANTEE ANYTHING AT ANYTIME AT ANYPLACE.  Terms of Use, FelonSpy Pages are subject to and governed by certain laws that go beyond the galaxy most humans and similarly primitive life forms are aware of.

User Disputes

You are not solely responsible for your interactions with other FelonSpy users or this site. Obviously your alcoholic mother and abusive father are partly responsible. We reserve the right, but have no obligation to settle disputes between you and other all other individuals and groups based on the traditional method of Mongolian Camel Spitting Text of Truth.

Privacy

We care about the privacy of our users. Except yours. We do believe it’s too bad Congress and our President do not. By using the Site or the Service, you are consenting to have your personal data transferred to and processed in the United States. By using this site, we hope the educational experience does not surpass the media muddled brain.

Disclaimers

FelonSpy.com is not responsible or liable in any manner for anything, including lazy reporting, ignorant attorneys, and clueless law enforcement. Although we do not provide rules for user conduct we do not control the lame posts in their blogs, and are not responsible for the lack of breast feeding users suffered from. The Company is not responsible for anything.  Is this clear? THE SITE, THE SERVICE (INCLUDING THE MOBILE SERVICES, THE SHARE SERVICE AND THE MARKETPLACE SERVICE), ANY PLATFORM APPLICATIONS AND THE SITE CONTENT ARE PROVIDED "AS-IS" AND THE COMPANY DISCLAIMS ANY AND ALL REPRESENTATIONS AND WARRANTIES, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF TITLE, MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE OR NON-INFRINGEMENT. THE COMPANY CANNOT GUARANTEE AND DOES NOT PROMISE ANY SPECIFIC RESULTS FROM USE OF THE SITE AND/OR THE SERVICE AND/OR ANY PLATFORM APPLICATIONS. COMPANY DOES NOT REPRESENT OR WARRANT THAT SOFTWARE, CONTENT OR MATERIALS ON THE SITE, THE SERVICE OR ANY PLATFORM APPLICATIONS ARE ACCURATE, COMPLETE, RELIABLE, CURRENT OR ERROR-FREE OR THAT THE SITE OR SERVICE ITS SERVERS, OR ANY PLATFORM APPLICATIONS ARE FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS. THEREFORE, YOU SHOULD EXERCISE CAUTION IN THE USE AND DOWNLOADING OF ANY SUCH SOFTWARE, CONTENT OR MATERIALS AND USE INDUSTRY-RECOGNIZED SOFTWARE TO DETECT AND DISINFECT VIRUSES. WITHOUT LIMITING THE FOREGOING, YOU UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT YOU DOWNLOAD OR OTHERWISE OBTAIN CONTENT, MATERIAL, DATA OR SOFTWARE (INCLUDING ANY MOBILE CLIENT) FROM OR THROUGH THE SERVICE AND ANY PLATFORM APPLICATIONS AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND RISK AND THAT YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR USE THEREOF AND ANY DAMAGES TO YOUR MOBILE DEVICE OR COMPUTER SYSTEM, LOSS OF DATA OR OTHER HARM OF ANY KIND THAT MAY RESULT.The Company reserves the right to continually and repeatedly play hoaxes on people until the sheep wake up and realize not everything on the internet is what is claims to be. Or until the world as we know it finally implodes under the weight of its own stupidity.

Limitation on Liability

IN NO EVENT WILL COMPANY OR ITS DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES OR AGENTS BE LIABLE TO YOU OR ANY THIRD PERSON FOR ANY INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, EXEMPLARY, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, INCLUDING FOR ANY LOST PROFITS OR LOST DATA ARISING FROM YOUR USE OF THE SITE OR THE SERVICE, ANY PLATFORM APPLICATIONS OR ANY OF THE SITE CONTENT OR OTHER MATERIALS ON, ACCESSED THROUGH OR DOWNLOADED FROM THE SITE, EVEN IF THE COMPANY IS AWARE OR HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. NOTWITHSTANDING ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY CONTAINED HEREIN, THE COMPANY'S LIABILITY TO YOU FOR ANY CAUSE WHATSOEVER, AND REGARDLESS OF THE FORM OF THE ACTION, WILL AT ALL TIMES BE LIMITED TO THE AMOUNT PAID, IF ANY, BY YOU TO COMPANY FOR THE SERVICE DURING THE TERM OF MEMBERSHIP, BUT IN NO CASE WILL THE COMPANY'S LIABILITY TO YOU EXCEED $00.10  ( Ten Cents). YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IF NO FEES ARE PAID TO COMPANY FOR THE SERVICE, YOU SHALL BE LIMITED TO manual RELIEF ONLY, UNLESS OTHERWISE PERMITTED BY THE LAWS of DaulphaineProvidence on the Planet Mars, CERTAIN STATE LAWS DO NOT ALLOW LIMITATIONS ON IMPLIED WARRANTIES OR THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OF CERTAIN DAMAGES. IF THESE LAWS APPLY TO YOU, SOME OR ALL OF THE ABOVE DISCLAIMERS, EXCLUSIONS OR LIMITATIONS MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU, AND YOU MAY HAVE ADDITIONAL RIGHTS BUT CONGRESS  AND THE SUPREME COURT WILL PROBABLY HAVE TAKEN THEM ALL AWAY BY NOW.

Termination

The Company may terminate your marriage; delete your bank accounts and any content or information that you have ever collected over the entirety of your life for any reason, or no reason, at any time in its sole discretion, with or without notice, including if it believes that you are under age 96. When we are notified that a user has died we will not send flowers but rather say a small prayer and fire our AK 47s into the air.  We will generally, but are not obligated to, keep the user's account active under a special memorialized status for a period of time determined by a custom magic 8-ball.

Governing Law; Venue and Jurisdiction

By visiting or using the Site and/or the Service, you agree that the laws of the State of Confusion, without regard to principles of conflict of laws, will govern these Terms of Use and any dispute of any sort that might arise between you and the Company or any of our affiliates. With respect to any disputes or claims not subject to arbitration (as set forth below), you agree not to commence or prosecute any action in connection therewith other than through a authentically blessed Aztec princess in a Peruvian rain forest under a waterfall.  Unless a rainbow appears, all parties must disrobe and do the Hamster Dance for 30 minutes or until the snake attacks the badger.

Indemnity

You agree to indemnify and give the Company, its subsidiaries and affiliates, and each of their directors, officers, agents, contractors, partners 10% of all future proceeds after making your first FelonSpy Search.  

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